Now That It’s Over

“TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE.”  That was the first thing that came to my mind when we finally broke up.  Despite the throbbing pain in my heart, a sense of  liberation washed over me.  Finally, I could move on to the rest of my life, the life that I am meant to live.

I am four days away from the end of our road together.  I still feel the “morning sickness”, the kind of ache that wakes me up, even before the alarm goes off, and sends me panicking. What will I do now that he’s gone? How will I begin the day?  But no matter how fragile, vulnerable, and alone I feel, I have the certainty that I will not die nor languish as I thought I would the very first time my heart was broken.  This time around, though the lies and betrayal I have discovered seem to be as ruthless as those from my first heartbreak, I am here, as whole as I can be, not shattered into pieces, not sobbing by the dead end, not waiting for the heartbreaker and king of lies to be my savior.

The Lord gives and takes away. He knows everything and does everything at the right time.  The piercing of many tiny cruel needles in my heart is soothed by my gratitude for the One who’s kept me safe for the past three years.  Indeed, we have such a loving and wise Father.  He allows us to have our own chosen adventures and with vigilance, watches over us as we experiment with our lives.  He bears to see our struggles and blunders until we need to be snatched away from the snare of the enemy.  He has never brought us to where His grace cannot protect us. He keeps His faith in us that eventually we will learn the greatest lesson:  We cannot live right nor love truly and completely without Him. He patiently waits for us to run back to Him to ask, “What should I do next, Father?”

What will I do next now that my heart has been deceived once again?  Should I dismiss my heart as totally unreliable and unwise?  Should I scoff at the possibility of  meeting the right one?  Should I loathe the idea that there is someone out there truly capable of  committed and genuine love?  Will I retreat into a shell and vow never to give anyone a second chance again? Should I regret that I braved to love and trust again?

I refuse to quit and say no to the wonderful possibilities in my life. Everything is from the hand of my Father. He knows where I have been, where I am, and where I am going. He has trained me as a great student of  life, the one gift He wants me to have to the fullest. I will not waste my life by wallowing in regrets, by harboring anger and hatred, by  highlighting the wrongs and forgetting the good done.  My Father will instruct me and my heart will obey.

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