Category Archives: Healing Grace

Life Goes On

Life goes on for me

A leaf, I flow with the water

On its way to the Great Sea

Unafraid, yielding to my Maker

I let the current take me

To my next destination

Where my life may once again begin anew

To go on again and again

Never to stop, never to quit

Until I’ve learned all I needed to

Until I’ve given all I could

Until I’ve completed this journey

My life shall go on.

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Unwrap Life!

b84ca10c32407d159496459d83b463b4I want to embrace life as river flowing back to its Source

I so want to flow to where the river meets the Great Sea!

What beckons you to new horizons?

What calls you to pursue new dreams?

What life have you envisioned for yourself?

You have the right to choose.

The life you live is a gift.

The Giver awaits… unwrap it!

 

Psalm 30: 11-12
You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.
Lord my God, I will praise you forever.

My heart longs to sing praises to YOU all my life, O LORD. Take all that I am, all that I do and dream of, bless them, use them so that I may magnify Your glorious name.

Now That It’s Over

“TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE.”  That was the first thing that came to my mind when we finally broke up.  Despite the throbbing pain in my heart, a sense of  liberation washed over me.  Finally, I could move on to the rest of my life, the life that I am meant to live.

I am four days away from the end of our road together.  I still feel the “morning sickness”, the kind of ache that wakes me up, even before the alarm goes off, and sends me panicking. What will I do now that he’s gone? How will I begin the day?  But no matter how fragile, vulnerable, and alone I feel, I have the certainty that I will not die nor languish as I thought I would the very first time my heart was broken.  This time around, though the lies and betrayal I have discovered seem to be as ruthless as those from my first heartbreak, I am here, as whole as I can be, not shattered into pieces, not sobbing by the dead end, not waiting for the heartbreaker and king of lies to be my savior.

The Lord gives and takes away. He knows everything and does everything at the right time.  The piercing of many tiny cruel needles in my heart is soothed by my gratitude for the One who’s kept me safe for the past three years.  Indeed, we have such a loving and wise Father.  He allows us to have our own chosen adventures and with vigilance, watches over us as we experiment with our lives.  He bears to see our struggles and blunders until we need to be snatched away from the snare of the enemy.  He has never brought us to where His grace cannot protect us. He keeps His faith in us that eventually we will learn the greatest lesson:  We cannot live right nor love truly and completely without Him. He patiently waits for us to run back to Him to ask, “What should I do next, Father?”

What will I do next now that my heart has been deceived once again?  Should I dismiss my heart as totally unreliable and unwise?  Should I scoff at the possibility of  meeting the right one?  Should I loathe the idea that there is someone out there truly capable of  committed and genuine love?  Will I retreat into a shell and vow never to give anyone a second chance again? Should I regret that I braved to love and trust again?

I refuse to quit and say no to the wonderful possibilities in my life. Everything is from the hand of my Father. He knows where I have been, where I am, and where I am going. He has trained me as a great student of  life, the one gift He wants me to have to the fullest. I will not waste my life by wallowing in regrets, by harboring anger and hatred, by  highlighting the wrongs and forgetting the good done.  My Father will instruct me and my heart will obey.

MY SAFARI

The following is from Sarah Ban Breathnach’s A Daybook of Comfort and Joy .

The heart is a lonely hunter that hunts on a lonely hill. (Fiona Macleod) “You could expect many things of God at night when the campfire burned before the tents,” Beryl Markham wrote about the safari life. “You were alone when you sat and talked with the others—and they were alone… What you say has no ready ear but your own, and what you think is nothing except to yourself. The world is there and you are here–and these are the only poles, the only realities. You talk, but who listens? You listen, but who talks?” A safari of the self and the Spirit is at times lonely. But we know we are never alone. It is a comfort to realize that this sense of isolation is necessary if we are to encounter Mystery, and mystery is very much a part of a safari. Each day in the wilderness brings with it the struggle to survive and a heightened awareness of how wonderful it is just to see the sun set and rise again in the morning. Each day on the safari is lived to the fullest because it is all that is guaranteed.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

I have never been to a safari, but somewhere in my soul, there is a place like the safari that Beryl Markham describes in her book. I sometimes find myself in this safari residing in my soul. I do not understand why it draws me in despite the lonely darkness that fills it.

Maybe, just as Sarah Ban Breathnach believes, “this sense of isolation is necessary”. To be in the wilderness of one’s life is to recognize one’s need to survive, to search for a path that leads to safety and freedom. To be enveloped by lonely darkness is to yearn for the Light and the Joy that can sustain one’s existence.

No matter how lonely my life seems sometimes, my soul never dies; it thrives, stretching itself to reach the summit of its being. It knows that in the heart of darkness, its Creator sits, listening to the controlled and quiet sobbing of loneliness. It bears the hours of aloneness, knowing that, only then could it hear its Loving Keeper speak to soothe its hurts and allay its fears.

When I emerge from this sanctuary in my soul, I recognize the truth about me — I am part of the Mystery that is God. I cannot stop my heart from beating, cannot put my life on hold, cannot wither and waste away. God is Life itself.

As He lovingly keeps me in the hollow of His hand, life supports me; hope comes as naturally as rivers flow onto the sea; joy bursts as spontaneously as the rays of the sun bathe the world when it rises every morning.

My “heart is a lonely hunter that hunts on a lonely hill,” but most days, this lonely heart leaps with joy. There, on the lonely hill, is a warm campfire, where the Great Storyteller sits to tell stories of hope, of joy, of love. My heart patiently waits for my own story to be told.

For us who need the time to be away from the noise and busyness of our lives, Sarah wrote: “Today, expect many things as you sit around the campfire of your heart. Someone is listening. Someone is talking to you, encouraging you to take that next step as you embrace the Mystery of the wilderness within. Expect to have hope rekindled. Expect your prayers to be answered in wondrous ways. The dry seasons in life do not last. The spring rains will come again. “

Fall Like Leaves

There is so much beauty in the image of falling leaves —

the peaceful surrender,

the boldness to let go,

the freedom to say goodbye.

I wish I could fall as courageously as those leaves d0

Without question,

without resistance,

without hesitation.

Do the leaves know that the warm earth will receive them?

Do they know that they will continue to add to the world’s beauty

once they fall on the ground?

I wish they don’t.

I wish they just fall

Without knowing where to

Or what’s to come next.

I wish they just let go

Because they just know

Falling off to the ground is part of

What they are,

Part of the cycle of life that they complete,

Part of the life schedule the Loving Creator has ordained.

I’d like to fall the way they do,

Onto the next phase of my life.

I’d like to let go of what has been and surrender to the unknown.

I don’t know where to and what the next life will be like.

Right now, all I know is that my heart longs so desperately

To fall,

To let go,

To be freed from being tied to a dead tree.

There is more to my life.

There is more to me.

I want to fall with the leaves,

Fall where I can add to the world’s beauty in a different way.

Like the leaves that have turned brown,

I have changed.

I cannot stay where I am.

I have to fall and let go

Of all that’s familiar, and usual, and safe.

I have to complete my own cycle of life.

So I pray to the God of the trees,

the God of life and death,

the God of rebirth,

the God of the wind,

Shake me off from this branch where I’ve been hanging on for so long.

Let me fall

Let me fall

To where Your arms will receive me.

Plant me anew.

TO MY HAPPIEST DAY

  

     Perhaps when the unexpected comes, when something happens that we never asked for, we tend to remember it with special fondness –like a surprise present from daddy who’d been away for so long, like a note scribbled and left by Santa under our pillow when we were kids, or like an unplanned vacation by the beach during school break, this happy day deserves to be in your box of special memories.

When God said, “Let there be light!” 

He said it at the exact time you were near the end of the tunnel. 

And there was light.

It was warm, and gentle and beautiful. It dazzled you and drew you out.  Its glow danced in your eyes and sang in your heart. This light lit your way out, cheered you onward,  not toward the edge of a cliff,  but to many new mornings and solid days that you could live through.

It came the moment you saw him. He carried this light and it walked with him, drawing you to look, and look, and gaze sometimes.

 Perhaps it was the Light that walked with him and followed him that knew. Perhaps this light was drawn to drive away the darkness in your world. Perhaps it wanted to usher in some joy and hope into your life.

He who walked into your world with this light did not know the magic it could do. But you did. 

And though he would never know, it didn’t matter because you believed in it. You knew the power that one happy day had in your life. It brought you to the next day, and another, and another, and another until finally you were certain that there could be many other happy days to come in your life. 

But tonight, you wished he knew that one happy day could mean the world to one dying soul… one happy day could bring so much comfort to a weary heart…  one happy day could save one from walking closer to the edge of a cliff.

And you wished that knowing so would add something equally warm, precious and beautiful to his life. You wished so because you knew that you could never give enough to someone who’s walked with you when your steps were unsure and your heart was not whole.

STARTING OVER

      You have finally turned around and left the dead end of the road where he left you. They kept telling you, “Move on. Move on!”

     You didn’t know what they meant. You could not understand why you had to. You had no clue how to do it, but it hurt too much to keep staring at that dead end. It hurt even more to wait for it to open up and let you walk on. You waited and wept, wept and waited. But there was only darkness ahead. There was no other way but to turn around. 

   And so you did…

   With just an ounce of strength remaining, you crawled toward the end of the very long and dark tunnel.  On your knees, you crawled, and groped through the dark, gasping for a way out. At times, it felt as if you were simply moving onward to get yourself to the edge of a cliff… where you could let go… fall and be thrown off with all the bits and pieces of your broken heart. And how that vision of falling off a cliff appealed to you! How that vision pushed you to crawl on more ardently. There had to be a way out.

   But the One who made you crawl out of  that very long and dark tunnel led you not to the edge of a cliff,  but to where there’s light, sunshine, the sound of the sea, the ringing of church bells, and good people to walk with, learn with, find new hope with.

  Fourteen years gone. Fourteen years left behind. You would have never chosen to let go if only the dead end opened up and let you in. You would have followed it until he found you again. But the One who made dead ends also made new roads. And He showed You, though you stubbornly refused to see, that fourteen years could be written off in ten pages of long bond paper and be history, just history, or some pages in your journal, or some old memory of a love found and lost.

   Now they are silent. “Move on,” they say no more.

   But to yourself, you say, “Move on much farther. Move on some more.” The tunnel does not seem so far away. So you tell yourself some more, “Move on. Move on. Keep moving on.”  You’ve been through the tunnel. You found your way out. You could find your way back in.  And so you fall on your knees and pray, “Lord, take me far, far away. I do not want to go back.”

  Five years and two months away. That’s how far I am.

  I keep the light, the sunshine, the sound of the sea, the ringing of the bells in my pocket, always ready to be retrieved, in case I forget … in case I forget how far I’ve gone.

February 15, 2009

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When People Walk Away

        When you have entrusted your losses and hurts to the Great Healer, when you have put your trust in Him, you can let go of the dead ends in your life and try new roads; you can keep the faith that something  good will come out of the ruins of your broken dreams.        

        When you have managed to transcend the failed friendships, the lost possibilities, and the empty promises, you can continue believing that there is goodness in everyone’s heart. Yes, even those who have hurt  some people in their lives deserve  a second chance.  

        When you have decided to be thankful for the lessons learned instead of collecting hurts, when you have stopped living like a mindless victim of other people’s choices, you learn to forgive and accept that you alone are responsible for your life.  

        When people leave and choose to forget their promises,  learn to let go.  Forgive them who walked away without explaining why. Forgive them who stood by your closed door and asked to be welcomed in only to walk away in the end.  

      When you have chosen to live, instead of waste away,  hope instead of quit, love instead of grow bitter, you keep your hands and heart open to receive – – to know someone wanting to be known, to trust someone yearning to be trusted, and eventually learn to bravely love again.